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今天早些时候，五角大楼在伊拉克发动了2003年以来最猛烈的空袭。白宫说，攻击将会持续到布什总统的支持率上升到40%以上。
"The FBI is investigating Americans -- just for opposing the war. You know, maybe when we're done establishing a democracy in Iraq, we could try it over here. Stop, I don't want to get investigated, don't applaud!" --Jay Leno
FBI正在调查美国人——只是那些反战的部分。你知道，也许当我们真的能够在伊拉克建立民主后，我们就可以试着在这里实行了。停，停，停！不要鼓掌，我可不想被调查。
"Mexican President Vincente Fox announced that they have discovered oil under the Gulf of Mexico. In a related story, President Bush accused Mexico of having weapons of mass destruction." --Jay Leno
墨西哥总统Vincente Fox宣布他们在墨西哥湾发现了石油！与此同时，布什总统谴责墨西哥拥有大规模杀伤性武器。
"Former President Bill Clinton is telling people that his gut is saying that America is ready for a woman president. And I would say to President Clinton that's not your gut talking." --David Letterman
前总统BILL 克林顿告诉人们说，他的内心告诉他，美国已经为他的第一位女总统做好了准备。我的内心告诉我，克林顿先生还没有为此做好准备。
"In front of a crowd in Florida this past weekend, Al Gore said that, "The people of the United States are going to stand up and take our country back." And then the manager of the karaoke bar took the microphone away and said, "Either sing or sit down buddy." --Jay Leno
上周末佛罗里达的一个聚会上，歌手Al Gore说：“美国人民正在站起来，把我们的国家收回来”。酒吧的经理过来把话筒拿走了，说：“伙计，要么唱歌，要么就坐下。”
"President Bush's approval rating is not good. A new Gallup poll puts it at just 36% which is a new low for his presidency. He is just slightly more popular than herpes now." --Jimmy Kimmel
“布什总统的支持率不是太好，最新的盖洛普民意测试显示只有36%，到达了他的总统任期内的最新低。现在，他的流行率只是比疱疹稍微大一点点。”
"Everybody's excited about March Madness, the big NCAA tournament? Here's how it works: It starts at 65, then 64, then 32, then 16. It's just like Bush's approval rating." --David Letterman
每个人都为“三月疯狂”兴奋，那是美国大学体育协会组织的规模最大的比赛，规则是这样的：从65开始，然后64，然后32，然后16——恰好就像布什的民众支持率。
"Bush's former domestic policy advisor Claude Allen, he's now charged with defrauding department stores. And when Bush heard about this he was stunned, he was shocked. He had no idea he had a domestic policy adviser." --David Letterman
布什的前国内政策顾问Claude Allen，现在正因欺诈百货公司而受到控告。当布什听到这一消息后他惊呆了，他被完全震住了，他从来不知道他曾有过这样一位国内政策顾问。
"They said on the news tonight that U.S. spy satellites are being used to track infected birds with the bird flu. Well, they worked so well in the hunt for Osama bin Laden." --Jay Leno
他们在今天晚上的新闻里说，美国的间谍卫星正在追踪带有禽流感病毒的鸟类，哦，那些卫星在追捕本.拉登的过程中发挥了真是相当有效的作用。
"South Korean Prime Minister Lee Hae-Chan ... has offered to resign after he was criticized for playing golf instead of overseeing the government response to a railway strike. Imagine that, a government official doing nothing in the face of a natural disaster. Thank god that could never happen here. Actually, Lee Hae-Chan is a Korean name, it means FEMA." --Jay Leno
韩国的总理 Lee Hae-Chan被批准辞职，因为他被指责，本应在处理一起火车碰撞事故的时候，却在打高尔夫球。想想那种情况吧，一位政府官员在自然灾害面前什么都没有做。真是感谢上帝，那种情况不会发生在我们这里。实际上， Lee Hae-Chan是一个韩国名字，他的意思是：联邦应急管理局。
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